There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
