On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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