i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
