is your mom at the bar?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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