i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
