Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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