I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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