i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
