my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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