I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
