My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Buhtt sex?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
