so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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