I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
