How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
