my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
