I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
