So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize