i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
