Dual....:-)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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