I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is my gift to your gina
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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