But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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