Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
