Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
