you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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