hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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