Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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