She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
