Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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