it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
