can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
