as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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