I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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