So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
