Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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