I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
