he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
