apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
