but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
