i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
