im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
worst night to have a conscience
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
