why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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