Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize