I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
