I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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