she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
