thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
