When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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