I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
