That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
