And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
