Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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