i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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