worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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