You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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