I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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