U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
