I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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