Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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