What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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