i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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