What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
