I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
