Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
