even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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