i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
