Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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