my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
