Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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