I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
