not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
