If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
