The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
