I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
