i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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