Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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