I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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