I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
